Today was my first day of Gainful Unemployment, but it took me all day to figure out that this is what I'm doing. Friday was my last day at WKKF and even though I felt reassured all the way up until I walked out the door that this was the right decision, I still felt a little odd leaving and turning in my key card. This was really it.
I was good and distracted all day on Saturday with moving, which was a test in itself of my willpower and of TM's patience (TM= wise and supportive fiance!). I've only ever moved from college so was not prepared to move for the first time from a "Real Life Apartment." It takes longer than 2 hours...and I did not know this until about 2 hours into packing. We eventually
Sunday I was still good and distracted, hanging out with TM. It was an amazing feeling to know that I didn't have to get up in the morning on Monday and make a 1.5 hour commute to work and then carry on a long-distance relationship for the rest of the week. It was a not-so-amazing feeling to look around and see my crap everywhere and know that there is just no good place for it for at least a couple weeks.
Today dawned and it was fun in the early morning to see TM and his roommate off to work, warm and fresh homemade cinnamon rolls in hand, and then crawl back into bed until I was damn good and ready to get up. When I finally did rouse myself, I read in bed for a while and ate a second cinnamon roll. I decided I should make myself useful since I am crashing the place, so I cleaned up the dishes and some other crap. Made lunch. Called my mom and returned my friend CH's call ("Hey, it's my day off and it's noon and I'm having a freakin' beer; call me back!" was the message I got) and then did an hour of yoga. And then started to wander around the house and on my third pacing I thought to myself, holy shit: I need to get a job. What if I wait around too long and then can't find a job and my money runs out? What if this "information interview" stuff doesn't work out? But most of all, what am I going to do with all this TIME? I have no tasks, nothing to accomplish, no deadlines. I will spend all of my day alone until TM or his roommate return...until I move to my own place and then what if I see NOBODY for DAYS?!?! What have I gotten myself into?
I had thought that quitting my job and moving were the hard parts and the hard parts were over. This was my choice; this was voluntary. I had said from the outset that I didn't want to be back in the workforce until late February or early March-ish at the earliest. I have always felt like I didn't have enough time when I got home from work to do the things I wanted, to write and explore the world and my mind, to get involved in community...and now I am feeling panicked enough to go right back to employment (or at least try!). What's the deal?
What is gainful unemployment?
gainful: profitable, lucrative
unemployment: the state of being unemployed, esp. involuntarily or the numbers of people without work
According to Dictionary.com, gainful is a word that should be primarly defined in capitalist economic terms. Continuing the trend of defining words with a subjective capitalist lens, the definition of unemployment includes a reference to the involuntary nature of being jobless.
But what if the two were put together? What if the unemployment was voluntary? What if the unemployment was not a period of worklessness or worthlessness, but a gainful period? What if the focus of all work, productivity, profit, and gain had nothing to do with an economy of money, and everything to do with a personal economy of soul and internal growth?
This is the journey I started on January 19th, 2007. I'm not sure when it will end, but I will write about my experience here until it's over.
This explains the "what." This blog will explain the "why" from the beginning, and will show what new "whys" develop as time goes on. Thanks for reading.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment