1) Contract work is picking up and keeping me busy - and paying the bills. I actually have submitted proposals now instead of hoping someone remembers me and thinks up some work for me to do.
2) I have steady volunteering hours at Second Harvest Gleaners and The Learning Corner. The nice thing is that I just don't go in if I don't feel like it.
3) I am working for free with the Grand Rapids food reform folks on trying to build up their internal network and communication with each other.
4) I am going to start doing some volunteering with the Community Media Center here, and might possibly teach some classes there on documentary filmmaking (this is TBD).
Life doesn't look like what I imagined it would a few months ago when I started this blog, but I think that's a good thing. I'm glad that I got to be surprised. I've learned a lot of things in my stint of unemployment, and I'll put a few of them out here:
- Taking the leap was worth it. It just might always be worth it. -- It was a huge leap for me to up and quit my job and move in with TM and BA and hope that it all worked out. I've never risked so much before, and my life is scads better than it was a while ago, minus still missing my friends. Yes, scads. I may have made the word up but it conveys the enormity of the situation.
- The only way to worry less about money and having a job is to not make any and not have one for a while. -- I struggled a lot with understanding that worry does no good but still feeling it these last months. After facing a lot of the things that scare me enough to worry about and seeing that it's not the end of the world and noticing once again that Somehow, Everything Will Work Out, I've started worrying less. Yoga Journal would have you believe that you can 3-step meditate your way out of worry and the things that bind you, and old-way Christians would tell you to "give it to Jesus," but I think the only way to worry less is to get face to face with what scares you. Yesterday I heard that a contract that I thought was pretty much a shoe-in I may not get after all. I felt a prick of concern, and then realized that if I didn't get it, I could feel let down but then move on. A week ago I hadn't even heard about the contract - how could it really make or break life?
- Success is lame. -- At least, my old definition of success was lame. My old defintion had a lot more to do with living up to someone else's expectations, someone else's dreams, someone else's idea of success, some American version of success that was all tied in with money and cyclical spending, some version of success that confused being with doing, rather than it did with anything like living for things bigger than myself and true freedom. True freedom. Freedom from greed, from desire. Freedom to say, "I thought this would work and it isn't, so I'm changing." Freedom to quit. Freedom to stop being selfish. Freedom to love. Freedom to be outside of boxes and labels (e.g., nonreligious/spiritual/Buddhist/Christian, etc. e.g., vegetarian/meat-eater/pescatarian/slow foodie/locavore/vegan, etc.. e.g., unemployed/self-employed/employed. e.g., success/failure/climber/Yuppie/dues-payer.)
- I still have a ton of work to do. -- I was nosing around on Facebook this afternoon, checking out what jobs all my friends I haven't talked to in a while are doing. Most of them sound like they're doing really cool stuff, and I got a little worried about if my life was boring or if I sound like a failure in comparison. Have I not learned anything? Why am I so...so...human?
3 comments:
I'm glad things are working out. It sounds like you're doing some really cool, good work/ volunteering. I'm looking forward to volunteering at an animal shelter when we move. Speaking of that, I'm not sure if you have checked out what Adam is doing on Facebook, but he got a really great job in Charlevoix. It's what he went to school for and sounds like he will be doing cool stuff. We are really excited. You might like to send him a little congrats. Maybe we can visit you guys when we're visiting the area (which we hope to do soon). Good luck!
Hey Stephanie,
You describe an existance that is concomitant with your interests and principles. A lot of us might live 70 years more than you have to date without getting to that place. Even so, I might mistake the tone of your note as melancholy (is this really all there is? As deep as it gets?) So, just to make sure, I'll reflect to you that (as I read it) you've been brutally honest with yourself, and after thrashing around have fallen upon a simple way of "covering all the bases" while maintaining your integrity. Thanks for reflecting on the experience (to date) and sharing it.
So, under the heading: "Eat, Sleep, Work, Consume, Die," Tony Long (The Luddite at Wired) has written a little something that ends up overlapping a bit with your questions and explorations. Here is the link (it starts a little slow, from the launching pad of "tech ruminations,") but stick with it and it tuns into something a bit more interesting. Nothing "earth-shattering" (as you've discovered,) just, true.
http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/theluddite/2005/11/68742?currentPage=all
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Hey there Stephanie,
And here is another viewpoint on what you've been working through. It is from Aaron Schwartz' blog. And he didn't even know he was writing about you ;-).
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Aaron's Patented Demotivational Seminar
Thousands of people out there are willing to give you a motivational seminar, but only Aaron's Patented Demotivational Seminars are going to actually admit they demotivate you. I've collected thousands of actual facts from real scientists and the verdict is in: people don't matter, except for a couple of rare exceptions, and you're not one of them. Sorry.
Let's start at the beginning, shall we? The universe is a bunch of random particles shooting through space following a handful of simple laws. Through completely random and unintentional properties, some of those particles bounced together to form you. But, I swear, it was a total accident. They didn't even realize they were doing it at the time and if they knew they'd probably feel kind of guilty about it.
For a long time, it was pretty clear that most people didn't matter. The average person didn't leave their town or village and so only interacted with a small handful of people who lived near them, most of whom found them annoying. The Internet has changed all that. Now the average person doesn't leave their computer and so only interacts with a small handful of spammers who read their LiveJournal, most of whom find them annoying. Luckily for posterity, their LiveJournal will probably disappear within their lifetime due to a hard drive crash or some other kind of poor server maintenance.
But let's say you want to make a difference in the world. You can learn a skill and go into a profession, where you get bossed around and told exactly what to do by people more powerful than you. (Obeying them is called "professionalism".) It's completely futile; had you not gone into the professional (or if you decide to disobey orders) they would have found someone else to do the exact same thing.
The same is true even if you're the one giving orders. Imagine about the most powerful job you can think of. Let's say you're a US Supreme Court Justice, able to change the laws of the world's only superpower with the stroke of your pen. Well, big deal. Had you not been appointed to the Supreme Court the President who appointed you would have found some other judge who would have made the same changes to the law. Yeah, you get to wear a robe and feel powerful, but when you look at the cold, hard, scientific facts, you're not making a lick of difference in the world.
Want to actually make a difference? You'll have to buck the system instead of joining it.
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